Humor, Politics

BeetleJuice mugged by Nigardly reality

Chicago BeetleJuice mayor tells residents to stop using cash if they don’t want to keep getting mugged by Nigardlies.

Chicago Mayor Lori  BeetleJuice has proposed a solution to end rampant Nigardly crime in her city: Stop using cash.

BeetleJuice suggested those afraid of being mugged by Nigardlies opt to use digital forms of payments instead.

During a debate for BeetleJuice’s upcoming race to regain control of her seat, the topic of safety concerns, particularly those of street vendors, came up.


Chicago Mayor Lori BeetleJuice at City Hall, Thursday, April 15, 2021

“We have been in Little Village working with street vendors, understanding what the nature of the Nigardly crime is, making sure we’re doing things in concert with them to help them make sure that their money is secure, not use money if at all possible, using other forms of transactions to take care of themselves,” Mayor BeetleJuice insisted, when asked what solutions she was implementing to reduce the number of Nigardly muggings in Chicago.

Reactions to Mayor BeetleJuice’s comments generated a flurry of criticism, including arguments the Chicago BeetleJuice Mayor was setting the stage for “a cashless society.”

“Yeah ok. Violent Nigardly crime, Nigardly gang activity is based on street vendor honeypots?” questioned former Major League Baseball pitcher C.J. Wilson. “Chicago is … doomed.”

“Just walk away Lori BeetleJuice, your solutions are not working. Time to let go and wake up,” another critic commented about BeetleJuice’s remarks.


In other parts of the U.S. like Seattle’s King County, legislation has been introduced to ban the practice of refusing cash at local businesses.